The past few days, I've been fighting a sinus infection -- a remnant from a cold I had last week. I've just felt drained, and want to sleep all the time. And, my house shows it. My house isn't super-neat to start out with, but when I'm not feeling well it quickly devolves into chaos.
Aside from recent illness, I've noticed that as I've gained weight in recent months, my energy level and interest in physical activity has gone down. I just don't have the spunk I once had. Some of that is probably also due to other mental and emotional burdens, but the extra weight I'm carrying around certainly doesn't help matters.
I know that weight-loss is not a magic fix-all, but I am hoping that as I lose weight I am more motivated to be active and engaged. Certainly it will be easier to clean house, but I really want more energy overall. From all I hear from people who've persevered in this, that does happen -- so here's hoping it happens to me. :)
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Day 13: A pain in the foot
One of the reasons I elected to embark on this project sooner rather than later was the onset of plantar fasciitis. Basically, it's damage and inflammation in the tissue on the bottom of your foot. When you walk, there are sharp pains in your heels. As my podiatrist said, "You walk like an old person." I'm only 34, so I have a ways to go before I should, by rights, be walking like an old person.
The foot pain started up at the end of last year, and I visited the foot doc to talk about it. He prescribed orthotics, which give extra support to the arch of the foot. I bought them, and have been using them, but one of the best cure-alls for this problem is to lose weight. I haven't lost that much yet, and I'm already feeling better. Still some pain, but nowhere near as bad as it was. I'll keep using the orthotics, but the less I have to use them the better. Goodbye, foot pain!
The foot pain started up at the end of last year, and I visited the foot doc to talk about it. He prescribed orthotics, which give extra support to the arch of the foot. I bought them, and have been using them, but one of the best cure-alls for this problem is to lose weight. I haven't lost that much yet, and I'm already feeling better. Still some pain, but nowhere near as bad as it was. I'll keep using the orthotics, but the less I have to use them the better. Goodbye, foot pain!
Friday, February 25, 2011
Day 12: No more Lane Bryant
Today, I ended up in the ER again, this time with my husband instead of the baby. He had his last dose of chemo a week ago, and mouth sores have been quite painful the past several days. He hasn't been able to eat much because of them, which is good for weight loss, but bad for overall health and nutrition. He also hasn't been able to take pills orally, which is really not a good place to be. So, we called his oncologist and she said we should probably get to the ER so we don't run into issues down the road with him getting dehydrated or weaker.
They gave us "miracle mouthwash," which has Maalox, lidocaine (an anasthetic) and Benadryl. He also got liquid morphine. He's feeling quite a bit better, so hopefully he'll be able to eat and sleep and the sores will heal.
One of the hospital employees who came in commented on the shirt I was wearing, a purple ruffly affair. It's a pretty, spring-y shirt, and I really like it because it's also long-sleeved. She asked where I got it, and I said, "Lane Bryant," which is where I get almost all my clothes. She was unfamiliar, and I thought better of telling her that people of her body type (average weight and petite) don't need to shop there.
For myself, Lane Bryant was a godsend. Growing up, we did most of our clothes shopping at Wal-Mart and Goodwill. Although you'll find some plus-sized clothing there, the fit and fashion isn't exactly flattering. Then I found Lane Bryant. Although clothes are at a higher price-point than Wal-Mart, I finally had things I liked to wear and felt reasonably good in. And, I have a nice selection of pretty underthings.
But, it would be nice to be able to find clothes at other stores, and to not be forced to look only in the "plus size" sections.
I did cheat a little today. I had Olive Garden for dinner -- chicken caesar salad -- and I ate the breadsticks and the full-fat dressing. And the cheese. Sadly, because I still have a stupid cold (or maybe it's now a sinus infection) I couldn't taste very well so I didn't get the full value out of the cheat. Sigh. I guess that makes it easier to get back on the wagon.
They gave us "miracle mouthwash," which has Maalox, lidocaine (an anasthetic) and Benadryl. He also got liquid morphine. He's feeling quite a bit better, so hopefully he'll be able to eat and sleep and the sores will heal.
One of the hospital employees who came in commented on the shirt I was wearing, a purple ruffly affair. It's a pretty, spring-y shirt, and I really like it because it's also long-sleeved. She asked where I got it, and I said, "Lane Bryant," which is where I get almost all my clothes. She was unfamiliar, and I thought better of telling her that people of her body type (average weight and petite) don't need to shop there.
For myself, Lane Bryant was a godsend. Growing up, we did most of our clothes shopping at Wal-Mart and Goodwill. Although you'll find some plus-sized clothing there, the fit and fashion isn't exactly flattering. Then I found Lane Bryant. Although clothes are at a higher price-point than Wal-Mart, I finally had things I liked to wear and felt reasonably good in. And, I have a nice selection of pretty underthings.
But, it would be nice to be able to find clothes at other stores, and to not be forced to look only in the "plus size" sections.
I did cheat a little today. I had Olive Garden for dinner -- chicken caesar salad -- and I ate the breadsticks and the full-fat dressing. And the cheese. Sadly, because I still have a stupid cold (or maybe it's now a sinus infection) I couldn't taste very well so I didn't get the full value out of the cheat. Sigh. I guess that makes it easier to get back on the wagon.
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Day 11: Guilt-free shopping
The past couple of weeks, my grocery cart has been far more healthy than normal. I'm buying lots of fresh fruits and vegetables -- and more than that, actually eating them. When I unload my cart at the checkout, I'm actually happy with what I see there (except for the food I buy for others in my house, haha).
For many years growing up, I was mocked for my weight. Even though I still love sweet things, I will admit that when I eat those sorts of things, or buy them, I often still hear the echoes of that mocking. "Of course the chubby girl eats ice cream," I'll think, while unloading ice cream from my cart.
One of the things I like about the program I'm on now is that I'll be building healthy habits, and will (hopefully) learn moderation in all things. There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a cookie, or an ice cream cone, or whatever -- so long as I do it in a healthy way.
Healthy, in this context, means doing it for the enjoyment of the thing itself, and not because it provides a momentary distraction from the tough stuff in my life. It means enjoying in moderation. And it means enjoying without being haunted by the mocking echoes of the past. My suspicion is those voices won't disappear overnight, or even by the time I'm done losing weight. I would guess it will be a while before they're completely quiet. But it's time for me to start working on thinking of myself in terms other than "the fat girl" or "flabby Abby" and work toward emotional freedom when it comes to food.
For many years growing up, I was mocked for my weight. Even though I still love sweet things, I will admit that when I eat those sorts of things, or buy them, I often still hear the echoes of that mocking. "Of course the chubby girl eats ice cream," I'll think, while unloading ice cream from my cart.
One of the things I like about the program I'm on now is that I'll be building healthy habits, and will (hopefully) learn moderation in all things. There is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a cookie, or an ice cream cone, or whatever -- so long as I do it in a healthy way.
Healthy, in this context, means doing it for the enjoyment of the thing itself, and not because it provides a momentary distraction from the tough stuff in my life. It means enjoying in moderation. And it means enjoying without being haunted by the mocking echoes of the past. My suspicion is those voices won't disappear overnight, or even by the time I'm done losing weight. I would guess it will be a while before they're completely quiet. But it's time for me to start working on thinking of myself in terms other than "the fat girl" or "flabby Abby" and work toward emotional freedom when it comes to food.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Day 10: Dance, Dance
I've always loved dancing -- as a spectator, that is. My husband and I didn't have dancing at our wedding, even. Neither of us is particularly coordinated, or physically fit, for that matter.
But I think dancing is a really beautiful physical art -- so graceful. I'll even admit to watching all the "Step Up" movies because I enjoy the dancing so much.
"Graceful" is not a word I've used to describe myself, though I admire it in others. I've carried around so much extra weight for so long that I'm far from graceful. I bump into things, have to squeeze into spaces, and am too heavy to be at all light on my feet. That's one thing I'd like to change as I lose weight. I'd like to be in a position to take up dancing, hopefully even with my husband. Lovely!
But I think dancing is a really beautiful physical art -- so graceful. I'll even admit to watching all the "Step Up" movies because I enjoy the dancing so much.
"Graceful" is not a word I've used to describe myself, though I admire it in others. I've carried around so much extra weight for so long that I'm far from graceful. I bump into things, have to squeeze into spaces, and am too heavy to be at all light on my feet. That's one thing I'd like to change as I lose weight. I'd like to be in a position to take up dancing, hopefully even with my husband. Lovely!
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Day 9: Summertime, summertime
I made it into the center today and at official weigh-in was down a total of 6 pounds from where I started. Not bad, for a little over a week. I know most weeks won't have these sorts of losses, but it's good to start out on a positive note.
Today's reason is spurred by our recent snowfall, which has left me longing for sunshine and warmth. I'm not such a fan of all the bugs that go along with that, but I do like being able to go outside without being heavily bundled beforehand. Plus, this summer John will be walking, and I'm excited to spend long summer evenings playing with him.
For too long, though, summer has meant a lot of discomfort because of my weight. I have been self-conscious about large upper arms, or big thighs, or big butt. Clothes for summer are far more revealing of these kinds of flaws than winter clothes. This summer I won't be at my goal weight yet, but on the way, so I'm hoping I'll not only feel a bit more confident in short sleeves but also have more energy to enjoy summertime activities with my family.
Today's reason is spurred by our recent snowfall, which has left me longing for sunshine and warmth. I'm not such a fan of all the bugs that go along with that, but I do like being able to go outside without being heavily bundled beforehand. Plus, this summer John will be walking, and I'm excited to spend long summer evenings playing with him.
For too long, though, summer has meant a lot of discomfort because of my weight. I have been self-conscious about large upper arms, or big thighs, or big butt. Clothes for summer are far more revealing of these kinds of flaws than winter clothes. This summer I won't be at my goal weight yet, but on the way, so I'm hoping I'll not only feel a bit more confident in short sleeves but also have more energy to enjoy summertime activities with my family.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Day 8: Photo finish
We were snowed in today, and I still feel kinda crappy since I have the cold John had last week. So, I didn't make it to the center today for a check-in. It was a tough diet day too. I really wanted to make cookies and have a comfort-food fix, but I held off. I sure hope the exercise of willpower burns calories!
Today's reason has something to do with vanity, but also with basic self-image. Our wedding photographer managed to capture a few photos of me that I actually liked (a rarity) but by and large I hate photos of myself. I tolerate them now, because I realized at one point that refusing to have photos taken writes me out of my own history, in a way. I have so few photos from college, for example, or from my 20s -- I avoided the camera because I didn't want reminders of my fatness.
Since getting married and having a child, though, I have a newfound desire to remember the happiness of these days, and so I have been in a lot more photos. We recently had family photos done for my baby's first birthday, and I looked so fat in them I didn't want to post any of them on facebook. This was probably one of the primary reasons I decided that now is the time to actually make changes that will (hopefully) stick long after I've completed the weight-loss program.
I haven't yet taken an official "before" photo, but I need to do that so I not only have a way of documenting my weight loss, but also so I have a reminder of where my bad food choices for so many years put me. I don't want to revisit this place again in the future, that's for sure.
Today's reason has something to do with vanity, but also with basic self-image. Our wedding photographer managed to capture a few photos of me that I actually liked (a rarity) but by and large I hate photos of myself. I tolerate them now, because I realized at one point that refusing to have photos taken writes me out of my own history, in a way. I have so few photos from college, for example, or from my 20s -- I avoided the camera because I didn't want reminders of my fatness.
Since getting married and having a child, though, I have a newfound desire to remember the happiness of these days, and so I have been in a lot more photos. We recently had family photos done for my baby's first birthday, and I looked so fat in them I didn't want to post any of them on facebook. This was probably one of the primary reasons I decided that now is the time to actually make changes that will (hopefully) stick long after I've completed the weight-loss program.
I haven't yet taken an official "before" photo, but I need to do that so I not only have a way of documenting my weight loss, but also so I have a reminder of where my bad food choices for so many years put me. I don't want to revisit this place again in the future, that's for sure.
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